The Last Goodbye
by snappleapple518
Summary: John Rider's last thoughts and regrets before he leaves his son Alex as a baby... My first AR fic so don't kill me is it stinks. R&R Please!


**Disclaimer**: _I do not own the Alex Rider series, or any of the characters there included. I also do not own the song _Find Your Wings _by Mark Harris._

_**The Last Goodbye:**_

Alex Rider's father sat in the chair and rocked his newborn son back and forth, lulling him into a contented sleep. John Rider was not a particularly religious man, but he did believe that God existed, and sometimes when he was feeling inspired he would even pray. He figured if there was evidence that God existed, then his son was that evidence. John Rider had never seen anything more perfect than his son, Alex.

He only wished that he could be sure that he would be able to be there for the remainder of his son's life. Somehow… he couldn't convince himself, though. Something told him that he wouldn't ever be able to see his son much older than this. He didn't know if it was intuition or just a gut feeling. John Rider wasn't sure he knew the difference.

A tear slipped down his cheek and landed on his son's face. John Rider quickly wiped it away, trying not to wake the baby up, but alas… Alex's eyes opened. He did not cry, though. He simply stared up at his father, with eyes that seemed far too large for a baby but somehow perfect. Alex was a very good baby. He never cried, and he seemed to understand what was going on in a room, even when John Rider couldn't figure it out himself. His son was a mystery to him.

And he somehow knew that he would never have the chance to unravel that mystery.

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold  
the plans that heaven has for you

_Will all too soon unfold  
_

He just hoped that his son would never join up in the kind of work that John Rider had gotten himself in. It had been all about money at first, but once he had met Alex's mother he had wanted to get out of the profession. Unfortunately… once you joined Scorpia… there was no quitting. At least not if you wanted to stay alive…

So many different prayers I'll pray  
For all that you might do  
But most of all I'll want to know  
You're walking in the truth

"Don't do it Alex. Don't follow me. I'm no role model for a smart kid like you." John told his son. John Rider felt even though his son was very small that he knew that was going on. This wasn't really a possibility … but John Rider liked to feel that it was true.

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams  
and that faith gives you the courage  
to dare to do great things  
so let my love give you roots  
and help you find your wings

John Rider continued to talk even though he knew his son didn't understand.

"I just hope, Alex… that when I'm gone you'll find the guts to forgive me for leaving you here all alone. You'll still have your mother, though." John told him, though he did not realize that Alex's mother would die as well as him. "She's a good woman, Alex. She doesn't know the mess I've got myself into, but I know your mom, and she'll be able to forgive me. She's always like that, you know? Forgiving people's not hard for her. Not like it is for me. I hold an awful grudge, Alex. Don't be like that. It's no good." Alex looked up at his father and grabbed his finger, as if promising that he wouldn't. "And remember, Alex. Don't let anyone tell you what's right and wrong. That's something that you've got to figure out yourself. I guess I let someone else tell me what was right and wrong, and now you see what a mess I've got myself into. You do what you're passionate about. Okay?"

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams  
and that faith gives you the courage  
to dare to do great things  
so let my love give you roots  
and help you find your wings

"Even when I die, Alex," he choked on the words, realizing it was the first time he had admitted it to himself, "I know that somehow you'll remember what I'm saying to you. Not consciously, but it'll be in your heart. I've got to go to work now, Alex. Your mom's here and she'll take care of you."

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky  
I'll have tears as you take off  
But I'll cheer as you fly

"Goodbye, Alex." He murmured, and kissed his son on the forehead.

This was his last goodbye.


End file.
